Sixufus - The Six Outrageous Truths/Lies

Bad news.  This isn't a Sixufus update. No.  I've been pummeled by JD Robinson, aka, the Techno War God, in a chain-blog of dubious lineage and distinction.  You've heard of it, no?  Quoting JD's quote:

• Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth – or – switch it around and tell six outrageous truths and one outrageous lie.
• Nominate some more “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies of their own. (Check the end of this post.)
• Post links to the blogs you nominate.
• Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know that you have nominated them.

Still, this is the Sixufus blog.  So in the spirit of Sixufus, we'll replace the word "yourself" with Darwin, the main character in Sixufus, who suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder.  And give you the six outrageous lies + one truth.  Or vice-versa.

1. In the throes of an Oedipal rage, Darwin killed his mother by pinning her to the ground with a long knife, then running over her head with the car.  Though Darwin was the prime suspect, he was acquited of the crime due to a lack of evidence.  
2. At 29, Darwin's psychiatric care was halted when Dr. Marie Johnston's mutilated body was found in a dumpster behind her upscale apartment.  Again, Darwin was the prime suspect.  And again, another murder goes unpunished.
3. At 40, Darwin was knighted for his charity work with Bosnian refugees in Brighton.
4. At 46, Darwin is still, technically, a virgin.
5. Darwin is recognized as the world's foremost expert on the life and works of Virgil.
6. Darwin once attended an outdoor Rolling Stones concert in Dallas in a downpour. He has since lost the T-shirt.
7. Darwin teaches by day, but at night is a much-in-demand DJ in the fashionable Rave hot spots of his city.

Not good?  Sigh.  OK, here goes:

1. In the throes of an Oedipal rage, Scott killed his mother by ...

Oh.   Sorry.  Let's try that again -

1. I once competed in a Guitar Hero contest in a suburban Texas town, and have since been known as The Guitar Hero in certain social circles.
2. While selling magazines door to door in Nashville, I met, and shook hands with, the one and only Johnny Paycheck.
3. Bill Clinton, while out jogging, went by my house while I was outside and we spoke.  I have voted for him ever since.
4. I once attended an outdoor Rolling Stones concert in the pouring rain.  I have since lost the t-shirt.
5. I have an uncle who lives in Scotland, who's digital photographs of Nessie were stolen when his website was hacked.  He suspects a jealous Nessie-researching rival who married an ex-girlfriend.   
6. I once spoke to a group of psychologists about the significance of wearing Izod shirts.  
7. I was kicked out of school for a semester for playing my stereo too loud.  

Whew.  Off the hook.  But oh goodie, I get to pass the chain's curse on to Brand Gamblin and Allison Duncan (aka SVallie)!